“The iPod Incident”

A funny thing happened on Christmas Day (it is funny now, with hindsight, since no-one and nothing was actually hurt).

With Christmas dinner (a roast) we had a wine (Lindauer ‘Summer’, to be exact, which was nicer that other Lindauers).  My memory of it is somewhat sullied though, not through a fault of the wine, but when someone committed a serious travesty with their choice of coaster for their wineglass.

I found that “someone” (not naming names of course, but looking at you Mum) used my iPod touch as a coaster! I will repeat that and underline it for emphasis used my iPod touch as a coaster!

Picture this: it is Christmas Day. Things are humming along nicely. We are at Mum’s house, my brother has arrived home earlier in the day. We have sat down to a lovely Christmas Dinner (a roast). Then we get to a happening, now referred to as the infamous Christmas Day “iPod incident”, or it can also be called “the iPod used as a coaster incident”, or by the longer name of “what the xxxx is that wineglass doing on my iPod incident” as this is more likely than not some of the first words I said on the topic.

Now there are things that do not go together: you wouldn’t use chocolate as a bookmark, and in this same category, I believe goes the question – why would you use an iPod as a coaster? I know, an iPod touch is flat, and it is a perfect sized surface upon which to place a wineglass, and it may be tempting, but my equation summing up the situation goes: wineglass containing a liquid + electronic device…. = disaster.

iPod meet wineglass, wineglass meet iPod. No, we can’t have that. It was a bad match from the beginning and I had to break up their festive party before disaster struck. Mum didn’t grasp the gravity of the situation, but my imagination was fired up with pictures of impending disaster….wineglass contents all over iPod, and this would lead to me runing around crying out “the horror, the horror”, with my hands clutching my head, looking like the image in the painting ‘The Scream’.

In reality, as it was, all my Virgo sensibilities were inwardly cringeing at behaviour so apparently careless. Or maybe, the behaviour was premeditated, as the person who placed the wineglass there had obviously thought about it and considered it as a good option for a coaster – which is actually worse that having done it absentmindedly.

I told the person who had commited this travesty that it is a bloody expensive coaster and her reply was that “it was something flat to put my wineglass on”. Well, that makes sense in a utilitarian way, but still makes me go Grrrrrr….I can see the advertising for this innovative way of using an iPod “the iPod touch features a curved outer side – it will fit snugly onto any lumpy surface, providing a sturdy, stable base. A rubberised outer shell provides a non-slip surface, while a smooth, flat and stylish front face provides the perfect surface to balance delicate items on – just perfect for placing a wineglass on. But there’s more…there’s an app for that! Download the app for that perfect glass and cup placement”.

I told Mum that I was unwilling to get my laptop out in case she used it as a placemat. To this, she grins and quips “it would make a better potstand”. To her credit, she does look remorseful when the “iPod incident” is mentioned. I doubt she will ever be allowed to forget about it.